Some of you may recall that approximately 74 years ago, I was advertising my “healthy food cleanse” all over the internet. And I was like “Yup, 14 days! Stay tuned!” And then after three days I stopped posting updates.

Well, I did finish the cleanse. I just got so behind on posting my meals that it all wound up being too overwhelming to take on and so I just put it off forever and now it doesn’t make sense to write about it anymore and I don’t remember most of the details. But I do still have all the pictures.

So I thought I would post a kind of wrap-up with some highlights and to give the whole thing an end point and make us all feel a lot better about things. (Or just me.)

Sorry for failing at my blog responsibilities. Next time I won’t be so overzealous (pro tip: don’t promise yourself and everyone you know you’re going to write every day while simultaneously depriving yourself of food. Doesn’t work).

LOL PRUNES. (Dates, actually.) They were gross-looking and they came in this container with lots of their date bretheren, who all just clumped together and sat there all sugary and wrinkled.

Turns out, these things are like candy. They’re really good. I don’t know if Whole Foods sugars their dates, or if dates are just nature’s candy. I ate them by taking out the pits, putting almonds inside instead for some reason (if you’re going to follow directions you found on the internet, go big or go home), and eating them reluctantly at first. Only to then be like “WTF I only get two?”

This ginormous pile of asparagus was supposed to be topped with poached eggs. (Lol.)

Fried eggs on asparagus is yum! I can’t speak for poached, though, as I don’t know what kind of person Buzzfeed thinks I am, but apparently it’s the kind of person who can both hold down a full-time job and also get up early enough to make themselves poached eggs for breakfast.

Collard greens and turkey meatballs! Which, if it’s 9pm when you finally get to eat dinner because you didn’t know how long it would take to make your own tomato sauce from scratch and bake turkey meatballs made of organic rolled oats and you’re famished, is the best meal in the world.

This is called shakshuka, and I don’t know where it’s been all my life. It’s basically a pan of tomato sauce with fried egg craters and asparagus chunks and it’s warm and comforting and I’ve actually thought about it since the cleanse. I need to make this again.

Um, did you guys know you could make sweet omelets and not just savory ones? And if so, why did none of you tell me?

This is an “omelet” made with vanilla extract and apples and it’s pretty much life-changing. Omelets (or in my case, piles of egg with chunks of other stuff mixed in) will never be the same.

So I ate a lot of eggs, and not a whole lot else. By the end of the first week of the cleanse, I was feeling great. I had lots more energy and was drinking a lot of water to keep my stomach full, so I’m not sure if the energy came from the water or from the wholesome foods. But by the middle of the second week, I was feeling less-than-energetic. I think it’s good for me personally to be on a restricted carb diet, but I don’t know if complete carb denial is right for me. You like, need some of those for stuff. Idk. One night towards the end of the cleanse, I got really mad and yelled at my parents about how hungry I was and ate a piece of toast aggressively. They laughed at me.

Anyway, thanks for taking this rather short, eggy journey with me. I appreciate all of the encouragement and the looking at photos of my meals.